Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

Friends may come and go, but enemies tend to accumulate.

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.

Genius does what it must, talent does what it can, and you had best do what you're told.

Get a new car for your spouse; it'll be a great trade!